HAHAHAHAHAHAHA what a joke ! Finally I visited this dead blog ! I'm now using tumblr though :) I have Twi, one with password and the other without. Anyways I was reading the posts and on January 14 isaid I'm missing lessons and O's are next year OMG . HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA , was I THAT hardworking ?? Actually I think j was cause I did very well for term 1 progress report. Oh well, I'm sorta drowning now. See the vast change ? And end year examination is in like a week ?! And I'm still like sitting here blogging instead of studying etcetc. Sigh, I'm very worried but the more I think of studying that subject the more I worry, the more I don't wanna do it. HELP! There's chemistry test tomorrow, and Math on Tuesday. Then I think on Tuesday or Wednesday it's Accounts test. Sigh, feel like requesting for a study break where we just self-study and no tests can interrupt our revision. also, today wenhabe Cell Sunday at LYnC but I don't feel like going at all, I feel like stayinghime and do all my work. But I know I won't do them as seriously. Ugh, this always happens Thn I'll wish that we can go back in time so I can start earlier etcetc, why am I not like last year, I was so in about studying, I would like study everyday when I get home, I think it was the time table thing eh. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I NEED SOME DISCIPLINE. oh I took my grade 4 piano exam on august 4 and j got a distinction without practicing ! BUT I cannot be complacent at all. I must work hard for grade 5 cause my comments were so half past six ! Also I need to improve my English comprehension skills. I SUCK MAN. Keep failing lar. Then pull down my whole mark !! Sigh, I don't know what to do anymore. I shall just do my best. And ask the lord for strength. Actually I realized that when I was depending on had, things were much much much easier. Like no matter how busy I was somehow god will make time for me to study. It's time I go back to
Him man.

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/TektonikStereos

yes I fell , I mean literally fell not in a way that I fell / dropped in reality but fell , fell . I fell down the stairs LOL , yes I know HAHAHA lol . anws , my ankle hurts like asflhhc l&^%^$#)*()*(_)& now and i'm not in school = IDK THE SYF NEW MOVEMENTS AND I'VE MISSED LESSONS . and O'd are NEXT YEAR OMG . hopefully I can catch up !!!! I MISS KRISTINA ELLE SEVILLANO LUCAS .

Okay , New Year ! , Should I be excited ? Cause I'm not . Lol , uhm , today , party again baby ! Cab't wait , but pfft , its the real world wad do you get , yes I think you know I know what we all get . Anyway , my brother's watching the countdown encore and its somehow pissing me off ? Omg , NO I can't go back to my old dark self ); , Anws I hope 2011 is different- wait it is different she's not here anymore .


xoxo

What have I turn into ? I think I'm a monster now . I'm so thick-skinned I can't feel for people . I mean what's this , one of my best friends is moving to Texas and I can't drop a tear ? In fact I feel as if life is boring , shouldn't I be mourning about it ? And when I had a party recently , I was so busy I just ignored my friends , I mean what the hell man , this is totally bitchy 101 . What has happened to the caring me ? The one where will worry over smaller things ? And bigger things ? She just freaks out . Now I don't really , care , its like i'm living for myself but I know there are people I love around me , truth is , I don't know if I really do love them cause , love makes you do drastic things , sometimes , unimaginable but if I really do love a person in a unromantically way , shouldn't I be sad that they are moving or show the slightest concern for them ? What has become of me ? Is it because of what had happened before , made me into this numb person all over again ? But now , I'm worse , I'm helpless . I feel like a failure . I can't open up to new friends but close ones , I feel that I care more about myself and when I try to show my concern it becomes so fake I'd dislike it , I think/know that I hurt people .

On the other hand

I feel so unwanted , so neglected , so used that I'm sick of it , I just wanna run away have some time alone , and I know god is there , you don't need to remind me - I just need answers to my questions . I'm so flustered at myself , I don't wanna be this kinda person . I want to feel loved , I wanna know the ecstasy of it . My mind is in a huge whirl , I don't even know what to think about , wad is going on with me ? I don't wish/want/hope to end my year this way , but I guess I have to , its not a choice ; sometimes being too determined can drain your perserverence . Am I running away from reality ? So that by not facing I'll not feel anything ? , Like when I was sending my friend to the airport it didn't feel like it actually happened , but when I read her status and our friends comments , its real I know it , but I can't feel it . I just CAN'T . Everything in my mind is just floating up in the "air" but when I jump and try to catch it , my results are consecutive failures .

So , are experiences making me this way , am I choosing to be this way ?

Where IS the love ?

xoxo,

Labels: Where IS the love ?

Yes, its been a long time since I've been blogging , but they do you know blogging helps improve one's english ? Well so does reading , but it takes and effort for both although majority will find that blogging is much easier since its on the internet which highly demanding and demanded . Okay , that's not the point right now , I'm back to blog , I've got things to say , So much as happened in the past few months of my life , well lets see , I've been on a cruise for the first time in my life, had a work attachment for 2 weeks, made new friends in my youth camp , understood people more , I've realised how much certain people mean to me as well , I know it Christmas and this is how I'm feeling , well , not very good , yupp I don't feel the spirit at all ): I wish I could though , then I wouldn't worry about having an accomplished life , I don't even have one guy who likes me as in not like as a friends but more , that's pathetic , shows how ugly I am . Oh well , work attachment was well (;, I enjoyed it very very much :D , Basically , I'm waiting for 2011 to come my wayy , BRING IT ON 2011 I CAN HANDLE YOU AND YOU AS WELL 2012 , I WON'T DIE IN YOUR HANDS BUT IN GODS' . SCIENTIST DON'T PREDICT MY DEATH , BUT GOD KNOWS NOT PREDICT .:D FATHER ALMIGHTY , HAS THE HIGHEST HONOUR ! HE WILL TAKE ALL PRAISE ONLY AND ONLY HIM ! AMEN !

Psh, you get everything you want , when yo ufucking don't deserve it I work so hard just do/get wad I want , but IT ALWAYS ENDS UP WITH YOU or if not , everybody and then me . I at least should have some respect , you all ,don't do as well as me , and this is the fucking shit I get , thanks . I dunno why we have parents anymore .